What the Heck Is That?! – Vintage Recipe Ridicule

 

Eau de Car Show

It was a Sunday - the sacred day of rest for normal people, and the sacred day of Cars & Coffee breakfast for me & my husband, Roger. It’s always the first Sunday of every month, which means I automatically wake up on this particular Sunday knowing two things:

1.      I will be surrounded by men who think horsepower is a personality trait. 

2.      I will need caffeine to get me going.

After breakfast, we planned to visit a very old classic car museum - the kind of place that smells like dust, engine oil, and unresolved family disputes. The museum is owned by an eccentric man who opens it only once a year, for five hours, like some sort of automotive groundhog. If he sees his shadow, maybe you get to see a Model T.

On the way home from breakfast, I told Roger we needed to stop at the house so I could use the bathroom. I had just drunk 2 cups of coffee and a full glass of water at the restaurant, and we were about to embark on a 50+ minute drive to this museum. I wasn’t about to risk guessing whether the museum had a bathroom or just a decorative outhouse from 1912.

When we got home, I realized I hadn’t taken my blood pressure meds. So I grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge, popped the meds, took a quick sip, and rushed off to the bathroom, so we could get going. I was basically in “we only have a few hours before the museum closes” mode - the same urgency people have when they’re trying to catch a flight, except mine was for antique cars.

On the way out of our house, I tossed the water bottle into my bag because I always carry spring water with me.

We had a lovely time at the museum, even though it was raining. The outdoor classic car show didn’t interest us because it was not only raining, but we see those types of cars all the time (and we each own one ourselves). Plus, Roger runs a classic car show.

 But very early 1900’s cars? The Bonnie‑and‑Clyde‑might‑have‑sat‑here type? That’s rare!

On the way home, I reached into my bag, grabbed the water, and took a big swig. And immediately regretted it. The water tasted like perfume!

Not a “hint of floral.”

Not “lightly scented.”

No.

It tasted like someone had steeped gardenias in a bathtub and bottled it.

I said, “EW. This tastes like perfume!” and then I smelled it. It reeked. Roger smelled it too and made the same face he makes when someone suggests buying a Prius.

My first thought: One of my travel perfumes must’ve leaked in my bag. Except… it didn’t smell like any perfume I own. I don’t do floral perfumes. I don’t like to smell like a garden.

So, I sniffed inside my bag.

Nothing.

No perfume.

No leak.

Just the scent of leather from my bag. Now I’m confused. Where did this eau de Fiasco come from?

I told Roger, “I don’t think it tasted like this earlier when I took my meds. But I was rushing, and took a tiny sip, so maybe I didn’t notice?” I’d dump it when we got home.

 When we got back, I poured it out, tossed the bottle, and thought that was the end of something unexplainable. Except I couldn’t get passed it. I kept thinking about this mystery, because the scent was so strong, I think it had permanently perfumed my soul. I was a little upset because I thought I might get sick from drinking it.

So, I turned to AI to help me figure this out, because with something like this, I could either call Coco, a doctor or consult a robot. And Coco would’ve told me I was dying! 

 After explaining to AI briefly what happened, I asked: Am I going to get sick? Can I die from drinking the tainted water? AI basically said (And I'm paraphrasing) ... “Calm down, drama queen,” but in a polite robot way. It said I wouldn’t get sick from two swigs and would’ve already shown symptoms. So, I was relieved. Then AI gave me several possibilities of how this could have happened, but the one that made the most sense was contamination during storage or transport. Maybe it sat next to scented detergent that leaked in a hot warehouse. Maybe something else leaked. Maybe the plastic absorbed the scent. 

Maybe the universe hates me.

Then I wondered which case of water in my garage was tainted. I looked in the fridge but had two different brands of spring water in there. Not helpful. I went back to the garbage can, retrieved the empty bottle I threw out earlier, and checked the label.

First clue- It was purified water. I NEVER buy purified water. I only buy spring water. This was a foreign object that came from my fridge. I was confused. I went into the living room and told Roger, and suddenly he had an epiphany - the kind where eyes widen and look like he just solved a murder.

“I KNOW HOW THIS HAPPENED!” he said with enthusiasm.

Me: “How??”

He explained that the day before when he went to a car show with his friend, they handed out goody bags to those that brought classic cars there. Inside the bag was:

·         A bottle of water

·         Random trinkets

·         And… A car air freshener meant to go under your seat. It was not wrapped.

Roger left the bag in the car on a hot summer day. With the air freshener marinating with the bottle, in the heat like a potpourri crockpot. Then he came home and put the water in our fridge…

Hot car + plastic bottle + car air freshener = Eau de Car Show Water

 A fragrance nobody should infuse with anything ingestible. I don't blame him though, he didn't know. Hell, I didn't even know this could happen.

Sometimes I swear Fiasco's like this.... only happen to me.