What the Heck Is That?! – Vintage Recipe Ridicule

 

The Artificial Intelligence Fiasco

Last weekend began as any weekend would for me. It was a Friday and I started to think about my past experiences while I was having breakfast and my coffee, so I could write a funny true story for you all. At my age, sometimes I have to think back a long way before I remember something great to write about. Usually I think about my youth, where I was and what I was doing at 15, 17 or even in my 20’s -  and it sparks a memory.

I had a cold and my stuffy nose was making it hard to think, and my warped brain cells were coming up blank. I tried and tried to think of something, but I finally had to say to myself, it’s dead Jim! I decided to wait a couple of days until I felt a little better.

Sunday came and since both me and my husband were still battling the same cold and neither of us felt like doing anything, we decided to be couch potatoes and watch TV. We were binge watching a series that was addicting. Thank goodness it was 8 seasons!

Then Monday came and went too, but at least we were starting to feel a little better. When Tuesday morning arrived, I had realized I did not have a story yet. I panicked!

I did everything to think on it but kept drawing a blank. I even went through memories on Facebook and reviewed all the years of photos I had on my Facebook- And then I came across one photo that jarred my memory and that led to another memory and another and that is how I decided to do the compilation of 3 stories last week. One would think that would be simple from that point forward, right?

Wrong.

The story itself got written up in about two and half hours because It takes me about half an hour to recall all the details, but since this was three stories in one, it took longer than usual. Then I deal with spell check, grammar check, situate everything just right. Read and re-read it to ensure it’s all there and correct.

All that was left was the last thing I always do- I describe to the Artificial Intelligence that I use, a cartoon image that suits the story. I decided I would ask it to create a comic strip with three panes in it- one for each story that I compiled into one. I described each pane explicitly. Artificial Intelligence then summarized back to me what I wanted and I said “Yes, do it”. Once I agreed, It then began to generate the comic strip. I walked away from the computer to get a bottle of water, while it worked on that.

When I came back, the comic strip was done mostly right, but AI screwed up the outfit on  one of the characters. It was important that the outfit was exactly as I described it, because it was pertinent to the story.

I guess AI had a circuit fart and had the lower half of the characters outfit wrong. I told AI that the character was not supposed to be wearing pants in the image, but a red plaid skirt and striped knee socks, just as I had described. AI agreed I was correct and stated  it would regenerate the image again, fixing the issue. I said, “Ok, do it”.

It did not.

Instead, I got a message that stated it was working on it, but I could see it wasn’t. Usually there’s a gray box that appears as its working on it and eventually when the imager is done, the comic strip or cartoon image I described is there. I didn’t see anything happening.

I went back and forth with AI so many times trying to get it to fix the comic strip. It decided it was on strike or something - maybe there was a little picket line inside my laptop with components marching with little protest signs, I don’t know.

I refreshed the page, reopened AI and described the comic strip again. That did not work. It kept telling me it was working on it, but it wasn’t. So this time, I closed out the browser window to refresh it that way and  try again.

I kept getting a message that the image generator wasn’t available! WTF?

Then I restarted my computer- still didn’t work! It was the last thing I needed before posting the story, and I could not get it to work. All I knew was I didn’t have the right image that depicted what was going on in one of the stories.

Then I got a message after several of my attempts that stated:

 “AI cannot respond”.

Apparently the red plaid skirt had entered the Federal Witness Protection Program.

Meanwhile, my husband wandered downstairs during half time, to tell me about the Celtics game he was watching. Unfortunately for Roger, he was unknowingly walking straight into an active AI disaster zone with me as the victim.

Somewhere between "AI won't fix the plaid skirt" and "I might launch this laptop from a catapult," I had become emotionally unavailable to discuss basketball.

Roger began talking to me.

I said, “Not now Roger, I’m busy- this stupid thing screwed up my comic strip, and I can’t get it to fix it.”

 Now I was getting a message that “the image generator wasn’t available”!

My frustration was obvious. So Roger suggested I just try a different AI!

Pretty genius, huh? There are so many to choose from these days, it’s like an AI Smorgasbord out there.

I opened  a different AI - I dragged the original comic strip image into the new AI. I stated exactly what I wanted it to do.  I click send.

Nothing happened.

The funniest part isn’t even the technology fail. It’s how it all escalated. I just needed one tiny little part of an outfit changed…

And It wouldn’t even send.

I refresh the page again.

It still didn’t send.

I closed the browser and reopened the browser again.

It didn’t even spit out a message saying it went on vacation. The competitor AI faceplanted. Two AI’s that day were going to need diplomatic immunity to be protected from me.

This…THIS is why I drink wine!

I am now looking at the clock… it was early evening at this point. I thought to myself- OK, I have been working on this for hours; I’m practically at the finish line – now this issue?

I thought I may need to use the comic strip I already had and I couldn’t stand that thought.

I literally pride myself on bringing my readers funny TRUE stories WITH images that fit the story. I contacted Coco and I explained everything that happened. I told her I was ready to use the image that doesn’t match the story.

Then I said, “maybe I should just throw in the towel and toss the laptop out the window introducing it to gravity”.

Coco started to laugh. She’s cute- sometimes she sort of snorts when she laughs.

I said, “don’t laugh; what’s so funny?”   

Coco told me she was laughing because my plan wasn’t:

 “Let’s try a different image”

 “Let’s delay this story by a day”

She was laughing because my backup plan was:

 “Fine. The character now dresses like THAT.”

Then she said, “You do realize you were actually contemplating rewriting a part in the story because an outfit in the image was slightly wrong.”

That’s when it hit me. At some point I went from “I need the image to match the story to the story will match the image” All because I thought I was taking control of the situation.

Apparently I wasn’t.

I was actually losing control.

In my head all I could think about was that I HAD to get this story out, and it was already so late getting posted!

 I was hungry, I was tired, I had to let my bladder loose, like a firehose and I was definitely frustrated. But when I’m fixated on an issue I end up with tunnel vision and thus-  I don’t eat, I didn’t get up to pee, all I was focused on was: That plaid skirt must be defeated!

I didn’t care that I had no lunch that day and my stomach was holding up a protest sign that read “FEED ME”.

 I didn’t care that my bladder was lodging formal complaints with bathroom management.

And I didn’t care that my laptop was one failed image away from achieving a flight into orbit.

Most people in my situation would grab a snack and take that trip to the bathroom.

But me?

My warped brain thoughts came out like this:

 “There will be no snacks or dinner until there’s victory … and the bladder is a future problem to be dealt with in the future.”

I decided I was going to win this battle- I threw that image back into my original AI- the one that created the comic strip initially. I then described what I needed and ended it with:

 “Fix it NOW”

 I crossed my fingers, closed my eyes and said a quick prayer …

Just like my previous failed attempts never happened- AI decided:

 “Oh, we’re doing the red plaid skirt now? OK.”

IT FIXED IT!

I think I heard angels singing! (But it was probably my tummy growling, I’m not sure).

I was doing the happy dance! (It may have actually been the pee-pee dance, still not sure).

That annoying, yet lovable AI finally uncrossed its circuits and did it’s job! Which is good because when I use it, it has one job…

ONE JOB.

Images.

What should have been a 3 minute task earlier that decided to spit fiasco at me, was finally licked!

I was probably dehydrated too, but I was ready to reward myself with wine anyway!

 Instead, I immediately threw the final comic strip into my draft, uploaded it, posting it to my site. Then I immediately went into Forks and Fiascos Facebook page - posted the link and promoted it so my readers could see the new story was finally ready for them.

It was late, but it was still Tuesday! That’s a victory lap for me. I wasn’t sure whether to celebrate, sprint to the bathroom or start dinner first!

But I jumped up and sprinted to the bathroom and peed like the racehorse I became during this ordeal.

From there I acquired food – well, almost immediately. My husband poured me my conquest glass of wine, and I didn’t throw any electronics out the front door!

It was a miracle.

I took a sip of that wine before I ate, because it was so well deserved. Then we had dinner.

The Takeaway

Never underestimate how much time, energy, and common sense can be consumed by a simple plaid skirt and AI.

Since I involved Coco, even though she typically doesn’t engage with Tuesday stories - She got creative and came up with something so cute and funny and sent it to me after we hung up -  I just had to add it:

Coco’s Storm Report: Conditions began with mild frustration and scattered AI resistance. By late afternoon, a powerful Front of Plaid had developed over the writing desk, causing severe disruptions to meal schedules, common sense, and restroom operations. The storm finally dissipated after a successful reality check and the capture of the suspect skirt.

Current Forecast: Low risk of recurrence unless another comic-strip character appears wearing the wrong clothes.

Meteor Reading: Battle of the Plaid Skirt

Category                    Score                                             Notes

AI Cooperation         2/10         One AI refused to fix it. Another wouldn’t even start.

Plaid Skirt                   5/10          Escaped corrections, edits, and accountability.

Human Neglect       4/10          Lunch canceled. Bathroom delayed. Priorities questionable.

Roger's Timing          6/10         Innocently entered fiasco zone. Saved by AI suggestion.

Escalation Rate     10/10         Minor outfit correction evolved into full-scale crisis.

Coco Rescue         9/10          Gave Michele a reality check & talked her off the ledge.

Michele's Focus      7/10          Didn’t surrender despite AI deaths & biological emergencies.