What the Heck Is That?! – Vintage Recipe Ridicule

 

BOREDOM

Because apparently my family can turn ANYTHING into a competitive sport.

Sometimes adults do dumb things.

Not dangerous things.

Not illegal things.

Just… dumb things, born out of boredom, hangovers, and the kind of family chemistry that guarantees someone is going to say, “Let’s try it and see what happens.”

Many moons ago, when my sister Linda used to come from Bensonhurst to Bay Ridge with her daughter, she’d stay the whole weekend at my mother’s place. We’d hit the local bar, drink like we were 18, and wake up the next morning moving slower than dial‑up internet.

One particular Sunday, we were all sitting in my mother’s living room - lazy, hungover, bored, and absolutely useless. I don’t remember who started it. I don’t remember who suggested it. I don’t even remember whether the carpet fiber was already loose or if one of us pulled it out like a deranged archaeologist…

But I do remember this: Everything began with one single carpet fiber.

Someone - and I truly wish I knew who - said: “See if you can get it into my mouth.”

And instead of saying, “That’s disgusting,” or “Let’s act like the adults we are.”

we said: “Okay!” With great enmthusiasm!

So there one of us sat, mouth wide open like a baby bird waiting for a worm, while the other two took turns shooting a carpet fiber at the other’s face, to see who could land it in the mouth. Each successful shot earned one point. My little niece kept score like she was officiating the Olympics.

We played until someone hit 10 points.

TEN.

That means at least one carpet fiber went airborne 10 times. Oh- and when we lost one- my brother just pulled another one out of the carpet. I remember saying- if we keep doing this, Mom is going to find a bald spot on the carpet and wonder how it got there. Yet, we laughed and carried on regardless.

I know what you are thinking- but the truth is- Yes, we actually did this. And yes, we laughed so hard, our stomachs hurt,

This story resurfaced at my brother’s Labor Day BBQ recently, and we realized, with full adult clarity, just how stupid it was. But none of us regret it. Because back then, we laughed our asses off playing a game we proudly named:

“Rug In the Mouth.”

Until...

THE UMBRELLA TAG GAME

Because apparently we also gamble on patio furniture.

Speaking of my brother’s BBQs…

Years ago, we were sitting on his patio - me, my sister Linda, her husband Doug, Uncle Robert, my brother Tommy, and my brother’s friend Brian.

My brother had a brand‑new patio umbrella, and he hadn’t removed the tag hanging from one of the ribs. Every time a breeze picked up, the umbrella spun like a lazy carnival ride. One of us joked, “We should place bets on who the tag stops over.”

Uncle Robert said, “We can do that! Why not?”

We all froze for a second... Looked at each other.

Shrugged.

 And then I yelled: “PLACE YOUR BETS!”

Everyone dug into their pockets and pulled out dollar bills like we were at a Vegas roulette table instead of a backyard patio. We each called out who we thought the tag would stop over, threw our $1 into the center of the table, and waited for the breeze.

 When that umbrella spun, you would’ve thought we were betting hundreds.We were yelling, cheering and watching that tag like it was the ball on a roulette wheel.

 Oh- and we had one rule- If more than one person bet on the same “winner,” they had to split the pot.

 Eventually we ran out of singles. So we started asking other guests if they could break $5 bills. When THAT ran out, we actually discussed sending someone to the store for change.

 We didn’t go - but the fact that we considered it tells you everything you need to know. We laughed ourselves stupid playing what became known as:

“The Umbrella Tag Game.”

Until one day we came up with: 

THE POOL BETTING GAME

Because why NOT gamble on water pressure?

When I lived in New Jersey, we had an Intex pool - the kind you put up every spring and take down every fall. Every year, the family came over to help set it up. And every year, once the hose went in, we placed bets on how long it would take to fill the pool.

Rules were: No Google, No math.

No thinking more than 30 seconds.

Pretty much just pure guessing.

We’re talking $10’s and $20’s in the pot - not singles. Everyone picked a day and time. Whoever was closest won the money. My uncle won twice, my husband won once and my niece won once.

We’d BBQ, drink, and hang out as the pool began to fill. It usually took 2–3 days depending on the water pressure at the time, so of course I had to make a phone call to the winner to let them know.

One year it filled in ONE day, and we still don’t know why, but we think we started in the morning that year, or-

Maybe the neighbors were away, and the water pressure gods were smiling?

Maybe the fire department took the day off? 

 All I know is: We turned filling a pool into a sport betting contest. And now you all know the truth:

I was born into a crazy family.

A fun family.

A ridiculous family.

 A family that can turn carpet fibers, patio umbrellas, and garden hoses into entertainment.

And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

THE TAKEAWAY

Sometimes boredom makes you creative, ridiculous, and slightly unhinged. Whether it’s shooting carpet fibers into someone’s mouth, gambling on patio umbrella tags, or placing $20 bets on water pressure, my family can turn absolutely anything into entertainment. And honestly? That’s the kind of chaos that makes life worth laughing about.

METEOR READING: BOREDOM

Category                          Score                                Funny Notes

Carpet Fiber Olympics   11/10   A sport no one asked for, yet everyone played.

Umbrella Tag Roulette   13/10   Vegas energy with $1 bills and patio furniture.

Pool‑Filling Gambling   12/10    High‑stakes hydration.

Family Chaos Level       14/10    Competitive nonsense is our love language.

Overall Fiasco Level      13/10    Boredom + My Family = Instant Silliness.